This is the week that I took off. I moved it from last week because we have the PSATs and there’s another PSAT round tomorrow, but I’m not worried about it. I took it off because I did have a breakdown, but I was definitely not getting out of the breakdown stage. I finished all of my very important work, the work that I really do feel like I might be the only one there that can do it within a reasonable timeframe. That made me feel better.

Waking up today at 8:30 and hearing the rain falling outside and hearing Birds chirp and feeling the chill of the new fall air, oh my God, it’s such a relief to have time off. I do actually love the work that I do, but it has become so overwhelming, some of which is my own fault. I say that because I agreed to take on the extra roles, I agreed to take on duties that I did not previously have, but it was all in an attempt to make that school a better place, to make it function better, and it is starting to happen. That is beginning to take place. Things are becoming more efficient. Things are getting better.

But when you’re in the thick of it every single day, you just can’t see it. And now I’ve just taken more than 72 hours away, I can see that it is working. Doing this while making breakfast, I never eat, but I do enjoy making so, this is a different experience for me because typically around this time or mid-morning I would be getting a coffee refill and probably heading into a meeting. Today what I’m doing is going through my watch designs and rebuilding a couple of watches and getting to just focus on that and not everything else.

And of course, I do all of this on the day that I take off. The day I take off, everybody’s talk now is how the government shutdown, of which at this point we are 26 days into, is going to mean that on the first of the month people will not have their food stamp benefits anymore. I can’t help but worry, there are so many people who need that, and the people who voted for all of this shit to happen in the first place are the ones it affects. They don’t even realize it because they hated a guy, they hated a Black man named Barack Obama, and they hated him so much that they are willing to scorch the earth they stand on instead of live a better life. Hate is a really powerful drug.

The mushrooms and onions and peppers that I’m cooking are almost done. The eggs go on next. Got a piece of sausage in the oven. I am going to really enjoy this meal. I am going to try not to think about all the horrible things going on in the world and I am going to try to just focus on me. I might go for a run a little bit later today. The weather is chilly, as I said. Definitely going to focus on what I need and then focus on other things. But God, the world does want you to be pulled in so many different directions. I hope the rest of this week off gives me focus, which the rambling I’ve done today clearly shows I don’t have.